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[–]nah459822 2604 points2605 points  (61 children)

Are you having fun? You don't look like you're having fun.

I'm not an enthusiastic person, if I'm still hanging around I'm probably having fun or else I would have left.

[–]HewoIneedAcookie 94 points95 points  (8 children)

Same! My way to enjoy parties and such is by hanging back and watching.

[–]zpxocivubyltkrjehwgq 12.1k points12.1k points  (225 children)

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

[–]DangersVengeance 5346 points5347 points  (93 children)

“Because I let you”

Pretty much a guaranteed ticket tho

[–]Night-Changes 129 points130 points  (5 children)

Cops in my area don’t even ask this. They’ll just go “i clocked you going 95 in a 70. License and registration”

[–]lippoli 79 points80 points  (1 child)

“Isn’t it your job to tell me that?”

[–]Victoria1721 8303 points8304 points  (112 children)

What’s your secret? (My first name is Victoria)

[–]Just-Call-Me-J 2032 points2033 points  (15 children)

Your secret is you were born in 1721. How do you feel for someone at age 298?

[–]Niflhe 9670 points9671 points  (431 children)

"Is that your real name?"

No, it's clearly a fake name I created that's too absurd to believe, just so you'd ask me that question.

[–]K-Diddy 2721 points2722 points  (40 children)

Michael.... Bolton?

[–]scrimruby59 1602 points1603 points  (18 children)

Why should I change my name, he’s the one that sucks!

[–]Juenese 1334 points1335 points  (247 children)

this annoys me so much. there’s been times I’ve had to show my id to “friends” to prove I’m not lying about my name. and it’s not a super duper uncommon name or anything, it’s just that now it’s associated with a popular game character.

[–]CyrilleMiller 359 points360 points  (152 children)

are you named Zelda?

[–]Juenese 428 points429 points  (149 children)

no, but close. think of another Nintendo game where the game and main character have the same name ;p

[–]Rusiano 5980 points5981 points  (119 children)

"Why do you look so sad, what's wrong?" I have resting sad face, usually nothing is wrong

[–]_ghostmode 2078 points2079 points  (50 children)

This. Except it’s always “why are you mad?”

I’m not fucking mad. It’s just my face?

[–]Nolegrl 572 points573 points  (4 children)

A friend in college made fun of me for this and I still chuckle at it. I was walking out of the bathroom and she says "why do you look so pissed after you pee?" It was just my regular facial expression but I guess I have a bad rbf.

[–]SpringyFredbearSuit 18.4k points18.4k points  (995 children)

What is your biggest weakness. Or any job interview question for that matter.

[–]RJ1799 1056 points1057 points  (49 children)

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Still buried in student loan debt is not the answer fyi

[–]ryanzbt 432 points433 points  (2 children)

"on the other side of the table and you on my side pleading to keep your job"

[–]felix_rae 257 points258 points  (2 children)

"Right now I would like to focus on the job at hand, and when I have proved myself an asset for your company then potentially look into climbing the ladder"

Worked for me a few times.

[–]Decoy_Protagonist 8577 points8578 points  (427 children)

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

[–]Spire-hawk 6604 points6605 points 2 (45 children)

Most people consider me to be a son of a Beech, but I like to think I'm a fine piece of Ash

[–]svenson_26 4301 points4302 points  (65 children)

A cactus. I don't really need a lot of hand-holding or attention. I'll figure things out on my own and thrive, even in difficult conditions.

[–]brokendowndryer 792 points793 points  (44 children)

Oak

They're big and majestic. People respect oak trees and I love oak trees, especially the ones that have the moss in them.

[–]poopellar 786 points787 points  (24 children)

Coconut tree

Cause if you hit it hard and long enough, they drop and burst their nuts.

[–]eddyathome 1058 points1059 points  (52 children)

Several ways to answer depending on the job.

For a workhorse position answer an oak since you're strong and dependable.

For a position where change is a thing and they emphasize flexibility, say a willow tree because it bends in the wind yet still provides shade to those who need it.

An executive position might go with a redwood since you're taller than everything and can see all around.

In a more person oriented role, go with a pine tree with the soft needles since it says you're always there, even in winter, but don't want to scratch anyone.

[–]DeadKing27 827 points828 points  (22 children)

What the hell? Is this really a thing? What if I reply a birch or whatever soft wood, because it reminds me that one that one childhood memory? Also, what if I'm not a tree person and can't tell a diference between a beech and a chestnut, so I'll just go like "the green one with the leaves"?

[–]Shadow3397 364 points365 points  (9 children)

Joshua tree is me. Not all that tall, definitely not straight as others, takes me a while to grow and better myself (especially my diet), and everything that I am can be destroyed my one jack hole playing a prank when the authorities aren’t looking.

[–]bigheyzeus 1070 points1071 points  (138 children)

Recruiter here. Obviously we can't figure out if someone's a fit unless we ask questions but the "biggest weakness" question has become a thing of the past these days.

I'd rather ask things like what you wish you could get some more training on and why, how you got better at something or what sorts of things you've hated about previous jobs.

The question is there to see if someone's humble, learns from their mistakes and is ok knowing they're not great at everything. It's just worded poorly so I've never asked it.

[–]Professional_Truck 164 points165 points  (20 children)

Recruiter here. Obviously we can't figure out if someone's a fit unless we ask questions but the "biggest weakness" question has become a thing of the past these days.

I wish. I got asked in an interview a few months ago.

[–]spetrillob 261 points262 points  (14 children)

I was asked why I was the best candidate for the job and I said that I can’t say that I am because I don’t know everyone’s qualifications, so I’m not sure what I’m competing with. I don’t know if I answered that in way that would allude that I’m incompetent, but I have neither been chosen for nor rejected from the job (yet).

[–]bigheyzeus 259 points260 points  (7 children)

Another poorly worded question, imo.

The point of that question is basically an invitation to make a sales pitch for yourself. Sure you don't know about the other candidates but fuck 'em, tell us why we should pick you!

For the record, your honest answer would make me laugh and I'd never hold it against you because you're totally correct. As long as you sold yourself throughout the interview, that one question shouldn't matter, best of luck!

[–]Laearric 1481 points1482 points  (104 children)

I was once being interviewed by a a woman who was flanked by two male underlings. We get past my qualifications and experience, and she asks:

"What is your spirit animal?"

I simply stated the first thing to come to mind. "My spirit animal is Nicholas Cage."

She half-glared at me, unamused. One of her underlings thought it was hilarious but was trying very hard to not let her see it. The other looked at me in shock, as though I had just committed some sort of sacrilege.

I did not get the job, but did not regret it.

Edit: I probably should have mentioned that she was so white she could have been half ghost. Laughing guy was black, other guy was white.

Later Edit: People have actually called me racist for specifying that nobody there was Native American, which I did so that people wouldn't call me culturally insensitive. There's no way to please some people.

[–]crusadingAquila 2147 points2148 points  (35 children)

"My spirit animal is not having one because I'm not Native American and I haven't been on a spirit journey. What you mean is 'what is your fursona?'."

[–]HannahAching 447 points448 points  (9 children)

As if I hadn't put photos of my fursuits on my CV.

[–]jasmeen321 12.1k points12.1k points  (299 children)

"How's the job search going?"

[–]liirko 6857 points6858 points  (71 children)

I don't have a job yet, so not fucking well, I reckon!

[–]TehBoxxy 2739 points2740 points  (45 children)

"Great! I wake up at 6am roaring for job applications, and then cry myself to sleep by midnight. Literally going so amazingly well that I want to die."

Edit: Thanks for the gold, stranger.

[–]NCRRangerRoberts 319 points320 points  (35 children)

I'm 20 and I've been looking for a job everywhere in my county. I've applied to everywhere I can too. Yet my dad is acting like I'm doing fuckall which pisses me off.

[–]TehBoxxy 198 points199 points  (24 children)

Nah. It's difficult to find jobs now.

You can't just walk in with a resume and cover letter and ask for a job interview. Everything is digital and there's hundreds of people applying to the same position

[–]LeClassyGent 57 points58 points  (4 children)

That's the problem. Everything's online so you can apply for ten jobs a day with custom cover letters for each one but it just looks like you're sitting in front of the computer.

[–]sailorbob134280 84 points85 points  (6 children)

Came here to post this one. Like, obviously I don’t have one yet, I’m still here and still miserable. I had managed to put that ball of stress out of the way for the evening, and now it’s back and I feel totally worthless again. Thanks for that. Don’t ask this one, if the person has a job they’ll probably be excited to tell you about it anyway. If they don’t, they already feel like shit. It’s like asking when a couple is going to have a baby.

[–]Draco9630 598 points599 points  (83 children)

Oh gods this one hurts. 5 months and counting...

[–]HannahAching 514 points515 points  (42 children)

8 months, and "do not call us, we will call you".

[–]zgh5002 541 points542 points  (23 children)

“When are you looking to hire?”

“Immediately.”

“Great, I’m available to start right away.”

“We’ll be in touch.”

Is it so hard to just say no?

[–]DazeGetBrighter 172 points173 points  (12 children)

I just had the owner of the company I interviewed at for the 2nd time tell me "Yeah, we'll be emailing you next week with an offer letter." Never heard from him again even after I emailed him asking for a follow up.

I just had lunch today with a couple guys from another company as a sort of 2nd interview, and one of the owners said the same thing. "We'll be emailing you an offer letter by the end of next week, and we'll also be discussing starting dates for you." So, I'm kinda nervous now and dont know what to expect.

[–]eleanor_dashwood 96 points97 points  (1 child)

Wow what a dick move. Fingers crossed this time they actually mean it! Let us know :)

[–]LiquidSoCrates 845 points846 points  (14 children)

Tell them it’s going great! Woke up at 11am and smoked two blunts before heading over to the liquor store.

[–]bigheyzeus 4403 points4404 points  (90 children)

Polish background and food is religion so "are you hungry?" "you're not having seconds?" is typically what I hate hearing.

No mom, we're all obese for a reason, I'm trying not to die too early.

[–]fliteriskk 1674 points1675 points  (44 children)

I'm Pennsylvania Dutch so the majority of my family's food is made with large quantities of butter, and each dish contains at least 5000 calories per serving. Needless to say, most of my family is obese or at least significantly overweight.

That included me for some time, but since I've moved away from home and learned how to eat, I'm now on the thin side. Any time I go to a family gathering I always get hassled for having lost so much weight and only having one plate. Yes Grandma, I'm the one with the eating problem, not literally everybody else at this table who weighs over 300 pounds.

[–]bigheyzeus 690 points691 points  (15 children)

I mean, I get it. World War 2 was a thing so you ate like you wouldn't eat tomorrow and you also worked a very physical job. Food is a love language, etc.

Psychologically, my family just has issues with food though so it's not just a Polish person thing. Anyone is capable of this unhealthy relationship with food.

[–]4th_Wall_Repairman 162 points163 points  (5 children)

I'm from farm stock, my dad raised me with the whole "if it's on your plate, you had better eat every last bit" mentality. Turned into a problem after I got a desk job, I've put on some weight and still I'm compelled to finish all of my food always, to the point of pain. It's not a good thing

[–]I_Sometimes_Lie_ 2119 points2120 points  (75 children)

Why are you depressed?

I'm not now, but when I was suffering from some pretty severe depression I did get asked this a few times. The answer is "I don't know, but I wish I did." You bringing it up and making me feel bad about already feeling bad was just more depressing. Vicious cycle.

[–]AutumnRain789 163 points164 points  (19 children)

Yeah, people can’t understand mental illness. People with mental illness can’t even understand it. I’ve been depressed most of my life. Wish I could find the root, but even if I could, sometimes there isn’t a cure to the cause.

[–]FlaxSeedBP 449 points450 points  (5 children)

Same here. And this question is followed by "You're still young, have people who care for you, blah, blah."

And you're also young, and have antibodies that care for you. Why do you get the flu last year? Sheesh! I never had the guts to answer like so.

[–]Royaldinosaurus 14.2k points14.2k points  (426 children)

Why are you still single?

Like what answer are you hoping for?

Edit: damn! Clearly I’m not the only one who hates this question, but I got another which someone asked me just a few moments ago.

Where is your girlfriend? Despite the person asking knows damn well that I don’t have one.

[–]geminiloveca 1663 points1664 points  (46 children)

Been divorced over 15 years, I get this one a lot from my parents, in the form of, "Don't you think about getting married again?"

Um, no. Not really.

[–]Viktor_Korobov 929 points930 points  (11 children)

"did you see how bad it went last time!? geez!"

[–]geminiloveca 536 points537 points  (10 children)

Right? they've each been married more than once. They should know it's not easy or ideal for everyone...

[–]authoritrey 5526 points5527 points  (53 children)

Once I was put on the spot about this at some horrid family dinner.

I went with, "because I'm getting more ass than a park bench." And that was the last question I was asked that night.

[–]Pure_Tower 731 points732 points  (25 children)

Had a new acquaintance ask me that and my response was something along the lines of, "I'll tell you if you can give me a single example scenario where that question isn't offensive."

Examples:

  • I just have no social skills at all

  • My wife just died

  • I just went through a breakup

One of the most often asked weird questions out there. Right up there with "why don't you have kids?"

[–]KanterBama 1041 points1042 points  (12 children)

"why don't you have kids?"

"I don't know! I keeping blowing loads in every dude I fuck but none of them get pregnant."

I'm not gay, but the reaction I receive from this is always worth someone thinking I am.

[–]AnnieandFish 795 points796 points  (18 children)

On the flip of this, a show called Coupling did:

“Why are girls like you always taken?”

“Because I’m an acute nymphomaniac with my own brewery.”

[–]saint760 494 points495 points  (51 children)

I was once rejected because I'm "too adult"

Like what the heck do you want from me then? Did I mature too fast for you or something?

[–]YKTN 683 points684 points  (12 children)

Probably means you wouldn't stand for any foolishness they're looking to bring to a relationship

[–]NewClayburn 6881 points6882 points  (564 children)

Why don't you drink?

I usually just say "I'm Mormon" because that's the only reason which is apparently allowed and will shut them up. Anything else and they start listing reasons why I should drink.

I'm not a Mormon, though.

[–]bobbyjellybean 3990 points3991 points  (93 children)

Telling them I'm an alcoholic with 5 years of sobriety is a good conversation stopper. Usually.

[–]only_male_flutist 2369 points2370 points  (44 children)

Or tell them that that your father was an alcoholic and beat you would be pretty awkward as well.

[–]quilzafiedcorvin 964 points965 points  (11 children)

Exactly - esp when it's someone I just met- I don't need to give you a reason or divulge my life story or my trauma to you- "I just don't drink" SHOULD be enough

[–]Aperture_T 378 points379 points  (10 children)

I say "I have a family history of alcoholism".

It's technically true, but really I just don't drink because I don't care to.

Edit: I swear my phone's swipe keyboard gets worse with every update.

[–]kassiny 348 points349 points  (1 child)

I feel that. "But it's a tradition!", "Why don't? That's fun" or the most annoying, "some people just don't know when to stop, it's all good when you drink a little... And many words"

[–]cpMetis 418 points419 points  (8 children)

"I don't want to" doesn't work.

Lying isn't okay.

Ignoring isn't okay.

And explaining that I was traumatized by the killing of my best friend's entire family by a drunk makes me a "mood killer".

So, eh, fuck 'em.

Shout-out to all those decent humans who are willing to accept someone else's life choices without trying to fix or downplay them.

[–]fork_of_truth 522 points523 points  (51 children)

As an Irish person, the only acceptable answer is that you are taking antibiotics

[–]aspoels 276 points277 points  (37 children)

wait you're not supposed to drink while on antibiotics?

[–]bumford11 6729 points6730 points  (54 children)

"Why are you in my house?"

[–]DekeKneePulls 2668 points2669 points  (27 children)

Yeah I hate it when they ask that question and it's usually followed by "and why are you naked?"

[–]vgkthegamer 835 points836 points  (4 children)

And then they start scream know,know,know

[–]Poisoned-Biscuit 287 points288 points  (2 children)

"It all started in the summer of '86..."

[–]robetyarg 2382 points2383 points  (53 children)

Anything about my future or my personal goals, really. I don't like sharing that kind of stuff with people because it puts needless expectations and pressure on myself.

[–]Dudelyllama 719 points720 points  (42 children)

As a ginger dude, "Does the carpet match the drapes?" was the one I used to get back in high school. It was all boys that said it as well. Like, yeah, it does. Why? You trying to get a better picture of it so you can paint me like one of your French boys?

[–]Bidii 328 points329 points  (4 children)

"Do you need that answer to your masturbation fantasies"

[–]brokendowndryer 9320 points9321 points  (341 children)

Why are you so quiet?

[–]beklog 4899 points4900 points  (145 children)

Same here.. My usual answer is.. "i prefer to listen"

[–]Thirty_Helens_Agree 5266 points5267 points 2 (44 children)

“One of us has to be.”

[–]coquimbo 997 points998 points  (9 children)

This is clearly THE best comeback in this situation. Love it.

[–]MTAlphawolf 499 points500 points  (6 children)

"Better to remain silent and thought an idiot than to speak and remove all doubt."

[–]brokendowndryer 3150 points3151 points  (69 children)

Exactly.

I'm quiet because I don't feel the need to fill the silence with words if there doesn't need to be any.

Besides, I get interrupted any time I do start talking, so that's why I'm quiet. No one listens anyway.

[–]EarlyHemisphere 494 points495 points  (46 children)

Yeah, because I'm an introvert I'm not as adamant about starting conversations, so when nobody's talking I usually just end up staying silent. I'd like to think that the main difference between myself and an extrovert is that I don't mind sitting there and just thinking. Seems to me like most extroverts would rather be chatting than be silent, so when the conversation stops they immediately try and think of something else to say or talk about because they find the silence uncomfortable or inferior to having a conversation. I personally love both having a conversation and being silent, so I never really mind which scenario is currently happening!

Obviously I'm generalizing a bit here and I could be wrong, but that's what it seems like to me.

Edit: my first statement (as quoted by the top reply to me) isn’t what I meant. I was more referring to how willing I am to start conversations or how much energy I have to do so rather than being good at it or not. I changed it to be more what I meant

[–]BanMeAndIShallReturn 726 points727 points  (7 children)

The correct response is to scream "I'm not always quiet" as loudly as you can.

Then Naruto run all the way home.

[–]ThiccRick421 342 points343 points  (10 children)

1000 times yes. What the fuck do you want me to say to that? Pisses me off

[–]brokendowndryer 228 points229 points  (7 children)

I'll tell them I am quiet because I don't want to talk to you.

I'm a very talkative person if you take the time to get to know me. We'll talk all day long. Just don't talk over me and make me feel like I'm not worth your time.

[–]Sarcasm_Overkill 4411 points4412 points  (110 children)

"can i try on your glasses?" followed by "holy crap your blind!" and then "Ooh how many fingers am i holding up?" like dude

im not completely blind your fingers are just blurred and yes i get it, my prescription is strong , i know that. You dont have to tell me and i feel like almost everyone with glasses hates this

[–]Levi488 2428 points2429 points  (18 children)

Its like throwing someone off the weelchair, sit in it and saying:"wow you really cant walk"

[–]Pigyguy2 417 points418 points  (3 children)

Your comment reads like you tried to write in uwu but gave up half way through

[–]Adiraiju 1112 points1113 points  (30 children)

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

Oh wow, where do I even start?

[–]TehBoxxy 262 points263 points  (2 children)

Yo my mother used to say this all the time. You learn that there really isn't a ton wrong with you but more wrong with the person asking the question because it's an abrasive way to get you to admit faults you probably otherwise wouldn't.

Unless you sucker punch some dude in a bar because his hair is the wrong shade of brown.

Then you can ask "what the fuck is wrong with you".

[–]Dabrigstar 3401 points3402 points  (116 children)

Why don't you have a Girlfriend?

Like, what do they want me to say?

Because I'm an unattractive loser who girls are not attracted to?

Because I work a dead end job that girls laugh at?

Because I'm ugly?

Why would you ask someone that in the first place?

[–]ToastyBB 940 points941 points  (14 children)

I 100% feel you in this, but I think when someone says that it’s because they don’t think any of those negative things about you, and are surprised you’re single

[–]AlohaWorld18 3164 points3165 points  (268 children)

Where are you from?

  • Maryland

No, where you really from?

  • Planet earth.

[–]sunmachinecomingdown 833 points834 points  (31 children)

At first I thought they didn't believe people could actually be from Maryland for some reason

[–]IPoopFruit 445 points446 points  (24 children)

Well, you CAN be from Maryland, but only if its Baltimore. Unfortunately, the rest of the state is taken up by interstate 95.

[–]pickmeacoolname 621 points622 points  (56 children)

I have twins ‘Are they natural?’ Or ‘ did you use IVF?’ Are the questions I hate. The other ones about them are relatively harmless and people are curious, I get that. But people don’t seem to realize how invasive that question is, you’re literally asking me how my children were conceived random lady at that the grocery store, that’s not ok. I want to answer ‘they were conceived by fucking, thanks for asking. Would you like to know positions?’

[–]arashz02 937 points938 points  (80 children)

"you're really left handed? How does it feel" Bitch how do you expect it to feel?

[–]iimuffinsaur 612 points613 points  (12 children)

Why are you alone? Aren't you lonely?

I'm alone because I like being alone sometimes and no that does not make me lonely. My boyfriend refuses to believe that.

[–]RedditbOiiiiiiiiii 184 points185 points  (4 children)

friends: *completely ignores me and never even talks to me*
also friends: why are you so alone?

[–]FutureBlackmail 475 points476 points  (29 children)

"Have you thought about..." points at their ring finger

Thought about? Yes.

Currently making plans? No. I'm happy with my current situation for now.

I'm at "that age" where I'm supposed to be getting married. And since I have a long-term girlfriend, everyone and their mothers (especially their mothers) thinks my relationship is their business. I don't mind it so much when it's a well-meaning friend who genuinely wants to know how I'm doing, but I get a lot of people who don't really know me trying to push my relationship one way or another.

[–]Greentea503 4421 points4422 points  (383 children)

Does the carpet match the drapes? (I'm a redhead). The fact that people feel that it's their right to ask me this question infuriates me.

[–]Beardedarchitect 2883 points2884 points  (47 children)

Just act like you don’t understand the question and get them to get more specific about what they are asking. With any luck they will realize how stupid they are about asking such an invasive question. Shift the shame to where it should be.

[–]itsssssJoker 718 points719 points  (6 children)

That works well with a lot of uncomfy questions tbh

[–]ThunderstormBoogaloo 1911 points1912 points  (21 children)

Something like this:

"Does the carpet match the drapes? Hyuck hyuck."

"What do you mean?"

"You know... your hair... does it match... down there... hehe."

"Does my hair match the floor?"

"No, I mean, uh... does it match... ... well... you know."

"Does my hair match the conceptual idea of something that a person knows?"

"No... urgh. I mean, down there, you know, your... private... there..."

"My private what?"

"Private... parts... you know."

"Oh my parts that are private."

"Yeah, those."

"You need to have permission to talk about those."

"Well... can I...? I mean, can we talk about them?"

"No."

[–]IamPlatycus 782 points783 points  (12 children)

"My ass hair is pretty red, yes."

[–]chunky_kirby 576 points577 points  (56 children)

I want to say that I can’t believe people would ask that but unfortunately people do.

It’s like with a pregnant friend I had. People just think it’s okay to ask the most invasive or weirdest questions because they are seeing someone or something they don’t normally see.

[–]forevergallifralone 589 points590 points  (52 children)

“can i touch your belly” while they’re already reaching for it.

if you say no they look at you like you just lit their hand on fire.

it’s almost like pregnant women are just seen as baby carriers rather than autonomous and feeling human beings.

[–]crusadingAquila 321 points322 points  (9 children)

Pregnant women should be handed free flyswats with their first doctor's appointment, for the slapping of hands.

[–]ApolloThunder 461 points462 points  (12 children)

I kept people from doing that to my wife. It made me so mad, and she's such a kind heart that she didn't want to say anything.

Usually it was just saying "Did you ask her if she's okay with that" but once I had this woman just come up and put hand to belly straight away. So I put my hand on her belly.

[–]chunky_kirby 190 points191 points  (3 children)

Oh my God, yeah. It's so weird, I don't understand why people think that's okay.

That same friend actually asked me herself if I wanted to touch her belly, and I didn't want to be rude and say no, but even with permission it isn't felt so weird to be touching someone's stomach like that. What kind of weirdo can just do that to a complete stranger??

[–]fork_of_truth 400 points401 points  (14 children)

It is fucking bizzare tbf! How can anyone think that asking a relative stranger the color of their pubes is OK??? That's between me, mf gf and my pubic wig stylist thank you very much!

[–]not_mr_hunnybunny 447 points448 points  (23 children)

My husband is a redhead and people ask ME this question. Not realizing how seriously, seriously uncomfortable it makes me. My sister even asked me once. I just dead panned stared at her before replying YES

The funniest instance though was when we were engaged I had a coworker that everyone was convinced was gay but just hadn't come out, yet. And when he realized my fiance was a ginger he asked me coyly if he was a redhead in his "fun places". I had a hard time keeping a straight face

[–]crusadingAquila 234 points235 points  (4 children)

"fun places"

Like, Disneyland? A water park? A zoo? ;p

[–]Kay_Elle 2685 points2686 points  (219 children)

"Why don't you want/have kids"?

Look, just accept that I don't. This conversation can't go anywhere good.

[–]shiniesahoy 2183 points2184 points  (47 children)

My childfree aunt always told people "Oh, I can't have kids." and then when they'd reply that they're sorry and ask why, she'd say "Because I'd kill them."

[–]Commander_Alex_Mason 910 points911 points  (15 children)

The fact that people thought it was okay to ask why is another issue.

[–]say592 381 points382 points  (9 children)

It happens. A lot. My wife was told when she was pretty young that she shouldnt have kids. Her medical condition would guarantee a rough pregnancy that could result in permanent damage to her body, if the child and her even survived. Yet people still ask when I say "Oh, my wife cant". I had to flat out stop saying "My wife isnt supposed to" because you occasionally get the whack job that says "Yeah, but miracles happen!". No thanks, we arent going to wait and see if my wife dies in childbirth on the off chance a miracle could happen. (And unfortunately, her mother is one of those people).

[–]lovebyletters 703 points704 points  (33 children)

As someone who WANTS kids, I hate this question, too. Why don’t I have kids?

You really want to get into that here and now buddy? You want me to start with the Poverty chapter, the Shitty Healthcare chapter, the No Social Support chapter, the You Know I’m a Lesbian Right chapter, or the Medical Issues bonus content?

Whether or not you want kids it’s a personal question and a super rude one. What answer is it that they’re expecting? How do they really expect this convo to turn out?

[–]Commentingtime 266 points267 points  (17 children)

Once you have kids, then people ask when you're having another. Nosiness never stops! Lol

[–]Blue_Dog_Democracy 108 points109 points  (16 children)

In the context of a job interview: What are your weaknesses?

It feels like a set up. Either you give some bullshit answer that is technically correct but not really a weakness, or you reveal a real weakness they can use against you.

Edit: My Internet just came back after cutting out for about a day, so I'm still catching up. But all the replies are great! I might actually try some of these the next time I interview (e.g: my weakness is Cherry Garcia or sharp objects and bears). Glad I'm not the only one who struggles with this particular job-hunting BS.

[–]SamCropper 714 points715 points  (68 children)

I'm tall (6'9") so I hear the same question over and over again on a daily basis. For the most part I don't mind at all, but the one that gets me is "oh, my nephew is 6'4"!"... Are you asking if I know him? What am I meant to say to that?

[–]WorkIncognitoWEEEE 131 points132 points  (12 children)

So...how's the weather up there big guy?

[–]catfishdeity 230 points231 points  (5 children)

My old manager had the following as his facebook about me:

"I'm 6'9" so you don't have to ask"

[–]agreeingstorm9 1250 points1251 points  (46 children)

Why are you still single?

Because I'm a horribly broken human being who can't stand himself most of the time and no one on the planet would possibly love me. You happy now?

[–]cramduck 403 points404 points  (12 children)

"The smart ones are afraid to be alone with me."

[–]thermonuclearmuskrat 1361 points1362 points  (16 children)

"Why do you have so many legs?" I'm an insect Jill, jeez.

[–]Truly_Meaningless 317 points318 points  (10 children)

I thought you were a thermonuclear muskrat though!

[–]thermonuclearmuskrat 196 points197 points  (8 children)

That's just a cover. I'm really all mandibles, thorax & antennae.

[–]Xitbitzy 105 points106 points  (9 children)

"Do you play basketball?"

Im 6'8 and I swear that is the most basic shit you can ask any tall guy. One time a guy asked me "When was the last time you banged your head in the doorway?" Which is actually funny and rarely asked

[–]TryToNotAnd 517 points518 points  (30 children)

What are you depressed about? Depression doesn't have to be "about" anything.

[–]Unsightly_entity 1077 points1078 points  (58 children)

If I have an eating disorder Yes I eat enough no I do not want you to “fatten” me up.

[–]LaulenLush 91 points92 points  (0 children)

I love the look when I say “yes, I’m anorexic. I was in the hospital for three months”. I don’t know what answer they’re expecting but they look absolutely shocked. I only have the guts to do this with complete strangers who honestly shouldn’t be asking!

[–]Xionic27 426 points427 points  (36 children)

My mom died in 2015, so like when someone asks me about her, I say she passed away sometime ago then they ask "iM sO Sorry, hOw?" I mean the sorry is ok but the how part makes me really uncomfortable.

[–]showmeyournachos 211 points212 points  (14 children)

I have a sister who died from suicide, and I'm not uncomfortable with it. Yet when people ask what happened and I tell them, they immediately get uncomfortable - I figure if anything, my honestly will teach them a lesson and hopefully they won't ask they next person the same question.

[–]DemmyDemon 202 points203 points  (4 children)

"She asked too many awkward questions..."

[–]bacon-is-sexy 1019 points1020 points  (68 children)

“What if you change your mind and decide you want kids?”

1) fuck off— I won’t. 2) what if you change YOUR mind after you have them?

[–]DeathSpiral321 1047 points1048 points  (80 children)

Would you like to round up your purchase to the nearest dollar to donate to [insert charity here]?

It just feels manipulative. If you say no, you feel like a jerk in front of anyone within earshot.

[–]cat-meg 677 points678 points  (19 children)

Here's a secret. The cashier doesn't care one bit if you donate or not. They ask because they'll be reprimanded by their manager if they don't, and the manager will get in trouble if they don't meet the minimum amount to be collected set by the company, who is only collecting this money in the first place so they can look good.

[–]WinterPush 385 points386 points  (3 children)

I was in a Dick's Sporting Goods the other day buying my daughter $150 worth of new soccer gear and the cashier asked me if I wanted to make a further contribution to fund local youth sports. I'm like, yeah, what does it look like I'm doing here?

[–]Kratakap 400 points401 points  (11 children)

“Can you draw me” no Brenda, I cannot draw you, your ogre forehead and witch nose can back away from my sketchbook thank you.

[–]CheesePickles 619 points620 points  (55 children)

Do you play basketball? (I’m on the taller side and it infuriates me when people ask that) Nope. Just running and swimming.

[–]ThiccRick421 947 points948 points  (49 children)

In my senior year of high school, “where are you going to college?”

[–]lizardgal10 380 points381 points  (24 children)

Ugh, this was annoying! Especially because I’d picked a school several states away that nobody had ever heard of. I chose said school because it had an excellent program for my somewhat obscure major. I’d always end up spending so much time explaining said major that I just stopped telling people what my actual major was.

[–]Cthulhus_Trilby 251 points252 points  (10 children)

When I was little my dad coached me to answer anyone who asked what I wanted to be when I grew up with: "an icthyologist specialising in the phylum spinachia*". That used to shut them up. Cheers dad.

*sticklebacks.

[–]Draciolus 585 points586 points  (39 children)

How was work?

You know there is more to life than games, right?

Don't you get bored of those games?

[–]YKTN 186 points187 points  (6 children)

"Seriously, get off the playstation!"

"But, it's an xbox - "

"I DON'T CARE, JUST GET OFF OF IT!"

[–]Draciolus 175 points176 points  (3 children)

"Just pause it."

"Its online, I cant pause the internet"

(Took years for people to stop telling me to pause it, then they just asked me if I was in the middle of something, or if I could help them right after the match/dungeon)

[–]TheFluffyClouds 417 points418 points  (51 children)

When are you going to have kids?

[–]who_is_that_lady 330 points331 points  (15 children)

I used to say "when I'm ready" but that was always met with "oh but you'll nEvEr Be ReAdY you should just do it now and it will all work out!" wow what truly awful advice

[–]NetworkMachineBroke 284 points285 points  (2 children)

*Has kids when they're not ready and everything will work out*

"Shoulda kept your legs closed if you couldn't raise that child!"

[–]SpoonwoodTangle 194 points195 points  (8 children)

Yeah this one is pretty much the worst. Personally I don’t want kids, but it’s way worse for my friend. She lost a baby during delivery and this question just tears her up. Each and every time.

[–]IamPlatycus 139 points140 points  (1 child)

"When the judge says I can."

[–]DooDooButterscotch 129 points130 points  (5 children)

"Why are you angry?"

I'm not. It's just my face. I'm usually in a great mood.

[–]AnestheticAle 58 points59 points  (3 children)

"What made you choose Anesthesia"

Money.

[–]InfiniteQuandary 57 points58 points  (1 child)

“How can you drive as far as you do for work? I’d get so tired of that!” Yeah dude I do get tired of it but I’m more tired of you asking me that every time you see me.

[–]ArcaneFuji 372 points373 points  (34 children)

“How are you”

Not the genuine one to ask how i’m doing, the “I’m gonna preface the conversation by pretending to care about how you’re doing before asking what i want in order to seem polite” i’d rather get asked directly.

[–]ThiccRick421 157 points158 points  (3 children)

“Oh hey is that you Jim? I haven’t seen you in a while!” Jim: “So you want to do anal?”