gildings in this subreddit have paid for 26.41 months of server time

Savage by EmptyWarning in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]FreeTheFreedoms 871 points872 points  (0 children)

I asked my dad why he doesn't have a torque wrench and he said "I don't need one I just tighten till I fart"

I’ll start a gofundme by PilsburyKush in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]LOLBaltSS 48 points49 points  (0 children)

"I've never been a fan of Internet Explorer"

Crowd laughs nervously and a few grunts are heard from the back seats as people edge closer to hear the punchline.

"Why not? Don't you like the internet?"

The crowd suddenly stands up, aware that they are about to receive what they came for. People slowly edge closer to the set as Sheldon prepares for his next line. Sweat is clearly visible on his brow and his mouth is quivering in anticipation as he readies himself for what is about to happen.

"I just prefer Firefox because, like the fox, I am cunning and nimble."

The crowd suddenly surges forward as the words escape Sheldon's mouth. They are so powerful, they almost shake the very foundations of the CBS studios. He watches as, in what he perceives as slow motion, the crowd moves toward his fragile body. He has been preparing for this moment his whole life. This is his moment. This is his Emmy. This is his Golden Globe. This is even his Oscar. The crowd converges around him so quickly they ignore the trampled cries of Leonard and Penny, who now lie shaking on the floor, their bones crushed by the sheer mass of the crowd. Sheldon stares back at the eyes around him. What he sees are no longer people. What he sees is the human psyche stripped down to its core. Their lives, what they were before this moment has been forgotten. Ravenous. Hungry. They want one thing from him. Sheldon closes his eyes, clears his mind and relaxes his body. What happens next depends completely on the next few seconds. The time between this and what he mutters next feels like an eternity. Slowly, he opens his eyes. He looks at Leonard, then at Penny, both lying lifeless on the floor. Without a second thought, he says with resounding conviction...


In a split second, the crowd pounces on his ready and waiting body. Man, woman, child all at once. Sheldon cries out in complete ecstasy as they consume his flesh. He stops suddenly, as he drifts into eternal slumber. Peace at last.

Life is dope by _TheTrashPanda in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]Brotein_Pancake 259 points260 points  (0 children)


Marriage without kids is dope.

Real talk by TheClownPuppet in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]ARedthorn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meh. There are a few problems here.

First is that I'm not sure it matters.

If women tend to chose lower paying careers because society pressures them to do so... is that choice, or oppression? If men tend to chose more brutal methods for ending their own lives... is that choice, or oppression? Do you have different answers to those two questions, and if so, why?


Second... the data is grossly incomplete.

The raw statistics for Suicide (based on death certificates) are:

  • 22.93 successful suicides per 100k men per year
  • 6.29 successful suicides per 100k women per year

The raw statistics for Attempted Suicide (based on hospitalization records) are:

  • 124.67 failed attempts per 100k men per year
  • 176.67 failed attempts per 100k women per year

That said - everyone agrees that reporting for attempted suicide is probably very low. No one knows for sure how bad it really is.

As I see it, there are 5 possible cases here:

  1. The suicide is successful, and clearly self-harm.
  2. The suicide is successful, but looks accidental.
  3. The suicide fails because someone finds them and takes them to the ER.
  4. The suicide fails, and the person seeks help.
  5. The suicide fails, and the person never seeks help.

#2 wouldn't be in the data, and I don't know if anything can be done about that.

#4 could be in the data, but only if they seek help at a medical facility. There's limited data on people seeking help from hotlines and so on, but... often, these sources are anonymous and track # of calls, not # of people or attempts.

#5 wouldn't be in the data, and won't ever be.

In the end - we have incomplete data for suicide attempts, and we know it. Everything else is conjecture.

So, if we're going to engage in conjecture: Assuming the data is representative of the larger body seems sketchy to me, because we know men are statistically less likely to seek medical help than women, in general... so why wouldn't they be less likely to do so here?

Is that conjecture? Yes - but it's informed by related trends, rather than based on faulty assumptions that reports are complete.


What I find even more interesting is this:

Men commit suicide much more often than women at all age groups.

Women attempt suicide MUCH more often than men in... 3 age groups. Just 3. 10-14, 15-19, and 20-24. After that, the numbers run well within standard deviation - so they're roughly equivalent.

(NOTE: they also appear to attempt suicide more often at ages 70+, but the samples here are so small as to be unreliable, and men in these age groups have more successful suicides than women have successful + failed suicides.)

CDC data on self-harm here.

CDC data on suicide here.

You'll need to set it up to show the graphs by gender, and I recommend using Crude or Age-Adjusted Rates in this case (crude rates and age-adjusted rates are the only values the two views share in common, so anything else is hard to cross-compare... age-adjusted rates are weighted to force the study into the same age-distribution as the main population).

Asking for a friend by AzorAhaiEmilio in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]noneofmybusinessbutt 1533 points1534 points  (0 children)

You can spread these cheeks if the spreadsheet’s fleek

Asking for a friend by AzorAhaiEmilio in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]bewildered_forks 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Yup. And when I write some really beautiful SAS code.

Colonel Kim Olson spitting fire by bobekyrant in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]Tomoromo9 749 points750 points  (0 children)


You cant get pregnant.

Sit down when abortion is discussed.

Edit: Thanks for the gold! I just meant to point out the stupidity and sexism of the original tweet. I believe that all sexes should have a voice about federal law since the consequences affect all of us. I personally think men should have a voice but a minority voice on abortion opposed to the 90-100% voice that they have had in the past.

I would watch this on a spiritual level by the_biggie_sad in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]GrossPringle 3067 points3068 points  (0 children)

Mmhmm That’s My Boy should be name of the show!

And a family that takes care of their elders by Bmchris44 in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]Just1morefix 9260 points9261 points  (0 children)

People have been aware of that reverse TV trope for years. Gomez and Morticia are not only compatible but deeply in love. Instead of non-stop sitcom bickering there is respect, passion, communication, honesty, and sensitivity. They also treat their children kindly, but firmly and allow for autonomy and exploration. They're creepy and they're spooky, but damned if they don't encompass all the finest values.

Sorry by JustSomeGuy_Idk in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]PartsLeftOver 419 points420 points  (0 children)

The guy in front can also fucking pay attention and go when the light changes.

So there is that ...

Edit: Platinum? For this snarky smartass comment? And momma said my attitude would never get me anywhere. Thankee. I guess.

happy october by berrymarve in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]Potate_Hoe 1790 points1791 points  (0 children)

Remember a skeleton is for life, not just Halloween.

She is not kidding. by lastintherow in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]4xTHESPEED 55 points56 points  (0 children)

and remember how that whistle blower was treated ?


we live in an endless cycle of shit while the top get richer and we squabble about our favorite team

If you don’t go apple picking and post a picture on Instagram is it really fall? by nancefance in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]NES_SNES_N64 478 points479 points  (0 children)

Yeah but that's not really applicable here. You're comparing apples to oranges.